I want my life to come down to two words: I'm Yours.

I want my life to come down to two words:
I'm Yours.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

the fear of failure

Okay, get ready for a glimpse into my life -->

In my life, whenever I have put my head to something... whenever I've pursued something... it almost always has come to fruition. I've been blessed with strong drive and a mind
to figure out how to get things done. Blessings come to mind like beating my friends in basketball or debate, or having a job before my friends, or being ahead in school, or being staff for camps... and I think of these things as huge blessings... not reason for pride.

But. At this point in my life, I finally have a real fear. This fear is that I will fail. Right now I'm beginning my college application process. I have received priority applications (no fee, no essay, automatic scholarship consideration, etc.) from about 5 different schools already. I'm so blessed. I've seen this in my life so much - God blessing me over and over when I put my head to something... but
I'm afraid to fail. I'm afraid to not get into a good school, or be able to pay for it, or get good grades, or not make my family proud. I fear failure.

Recently God taught me something invaluable: It's okay to stumble and fall in life as long as you are stumbling after and falling for Jesus. You see, pride can blind you so easily! Pride makes you focused on yourself. How you will do. How you will be perceived. What you have. What is yours.

However, God told me that it way going to be alright. I think He's even telling
me that it would be good if I failed in something. If I fail in something big enough to get my attention, then I won't have to make that mistake later in life. I would rather fail a biology class in college than to fail with my future family. And I would prefer to not have to have any failures, any suffering... but that's not what God promises. On the contrary, we are going to have much suffering, stumbling, falling and failing in this life because of sin.

As I look to the future I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to fear failure. Instead, I want to rest in God's promises... He will always be with me. He will never leave me nor forsake me. A favorite quote of mine is here:
"God is there. God is sovereign. God is good."
Ray Carter
In the end, I think what it comes down to is what you treasure. If we treasure Jesus... if we consider Him of greater worth and value than anything else, -even anyone else, then everything will be alright. He will remove your fear and replace it with a hope and trust in Him. And everything will be right.

And as a final thought... What is success? Is it never failing, or is it learning from your mistakes and using them as stepping stones for growth? Maybe, just maybe we learn more from failure than success. What do you think?

4 comments:

  1. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance. Perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:1-4.

    This is the passage that popped in my mind as soon as I saw your "Success-through-failure" picture. The trails that we face are similar to failing, but we gain perserverance from those trials.... which is success.

    The thing that always pops out to me in that passage is "Consider it PURE JOY!" So when you say that you think God's telling you that it would be good to fail at something, you're probably right. :D For in the end, failure does lead to success, if God is at the center.

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  2. You know, Quin, sometimes I am amazed about God's timing through you. This is what I needed to hear right now. As in... RIGHT now.
    Thank you for being willing to be open with us about your fears. God used your willingness to speak to me.
    God has not called us to be afraid of failure, nor defeated by it when it comes. Ever. Even when it feel stupid or unnecessary or it makes us feel like failures.
    "I didn't fail. I just found 2,000 ways how not to make a light bulb."

    Thank you.
    ~Rachel

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  3. I would agree with you, Quin, that we need to be ready for and even joyful about failure in our lives. I'm happy you have reached that conclusion.

    But I would like to encourage you that the reason God blesses you in His life is so that you will worship and thank Him, and because you do that, because you make much of Jesus in your life, He blesses you. I see this when I am around you.

    So yes, be ready and joyful for trials and failure. But don't be ashamed when God blesses you and raises you up to use you for His good purpose!

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  4. It's incredible to me how when we're obedient to the Holy Spirits prompting in our lives in the simplest tasks of even posting on a blog, we can be used in huge ways for the Kingdom. Thank you Quin for being willing to be vulnerable for the sake of being a vessel for the Lord to speak through and greatly minister to others.

    Everything you said I can completely relate to. My Mom recently losing her congressional race, opened my eyes to the fact that sometimes "failure" in the eyes of the world, in the eyes of our peers, in our own eyes, is rather success in God's. If we are here to bring Him Glory and live a life in surrendered obedience to Him. And if in obedience the outcome of what He called us to do brought us "failure", but Him Glory, Honor, and Praise because of our "failure," then for the sake of Christ it was indeed success. We succeed in walking the straight and narrow path. We succeed in being obedient to Him, even at the sake of being looked down upon by others. We succeed in accomplishing His will and bringing Him Glory.

    I'm still really struggling with this concept, but it's definitely changed my perspective. Fear not my friend, because your failure could be your biggest success for the Kingdom. :)

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