In my life, whenever I have put my head to something... whenever I've pursued something... it almost always has come to fruition. I've been blessed with strong drive and a mind to figure out how to get things done. Blessings come to mind like beating my friends in basketball or debate, or having a job before my friends, or being ahead in school, or being staff for camps... and I think of these things as huge blessings... not reason for pride.
But. At this point in my life, I finally have a real fear. This fear is that I will fail. Right now I'm beginning my college application process. I have received priority applications (no fee, no essay, automatic scholarship consideration, etc.) from about 5 different schools already. I'm so blessed. I've seen this in my life so much - God blessing me over and over when I put my head to something... but I'm afraid to fail. I'm afraid to not get into a good school, or be able to pay for it, or get good grades, or not make my family proud. I fear failure.
Recently God taught me something invaluable: It's okay to stumble and fall in life as long as you are stumbling after and falling for Jesus. You see, pride can blind you so easily! Pride makes you focused on yourself. How you will do. How you will be perceived. What you have. What is yours.
However, God told me that it way going to be alright. I think He's even telling me that it would be good if I failed in something. If I fail in something big enough to get my attention, then I won't have to make that mistake later in life. I would rather fail a biology class in college than to fail with my future family. And I would prefer to not have to have any failures, any suffering... but that's not what God promises. On the contrary, we are going to have much suffering, stumbling, falling and failing in this life because of sin.
As I look to the future I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to fear failure. Instead, I want to rest in God's promises... He will always be with me. He will never leave me nor forsake me. A favorite quote of mine is here:
"God is there. God is sovereign. God is good."In the end, I think what it comes down to is what you treasure. If we treasure Jesus... if we consider Him of greater worth and value than anything else, -even anyone else, then everything will be alright. He will remove your fear and replace it with a hope and trust in Him. And everything will be right.
And as a final thought... What is success? Is it never failing, or is it learning from your mistakes and using them as stepping stones for growth? Maybe, just maybe we learn more from failure than success. What do you think?